Squidward Is A What?
by Ai-Kitsuneko Yuurei
Summary: -Oneshot- Any argument involving Niou, tentacles and Akaya always ends up in chaos. This isn't a crossover fic!


**Disclaimer: Prince Of Tennis and its characters belong to Takeshi Konomi-sensei. I don't own Squidward Tentacles, too. **

**---**

It was just another day at Rikkaidai tennis club which ended normally (well, Sanada's daily routine of smacking random people could be counted as normal to them). Everyone already went home except for the regulars. The eight lovely young men were still at the tennis clubroom, doing whatever you can think of. Some were taking a shower (and were peeking at the shower room) while some were fixing their hair (or for one particular person, shaving his head. You hear, Jackal?). Of course, the scene will not be complete without the ace of the killer bees, rattled by his ingenious curiosity. Again.

Kirihara Akaya, baffled by a certain question that's been spinning around his mind since last night, had felt the urge to ask one the wise elders for an answer that can enlighten his senses. Or destroy his innocence. "Niou-sempai, what do you think of Squidward Tentacles?"

The wisely silver-haired elder, or the mischievous trickster knew that the baby of their team had the tendency to ask such mind-boggling question. With this comes a blunt response from the deceitful regular. "He's a mollusk. That's all."

Not wanting to know what a mollusk is because that would lead to further confusion (or a scarred brain), Akaya insisted to repeat his inquiry to his senior, "Aside from that, Niou-sempai. What do you think of Squidward?"

"A dumb cartoon character made for nothing but the purpose of entertaining toddlers. Is there anything to say more about him?"

Niou could see Akaya's eyes painted in discontent. This would be a long, long talk.

"No, not that! What do you think he is, Niou-sempai? A squid or an octopus?"

The petenshi was afraid to admit that the question had etched interest out of him. He was the type to go back out of challenges, and this may lead to a meaningful debate.

"An octopus. You can obviously see that," Niou told the seaweed haired boy.

Akaya's brows furrowed, signaling his disagreement to Niou's previous statement. The second year regular will surely attack his testimony, opposing to what he has said. The trickster smirked. Ooh, the joys of useless yet worthwhile argument!

"He's a squid!" Akaya protested. Victory for Niou.

"How come, bratling? Squids don't have big nose."

"His name! It's SQUIDward, meaning, he's a squid!"

"Listen you, brat.. if you know what Squidward really is, why bother asking me what kind of species is he?"

"Because I want to?"

Niou slapped his forehead. "Once and for all, I'll say it: Squidward is an octopus."

"No, he isn't!"

"He is!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!" Akaya's scream captured all his seniors' attention. Fortunately, Sanada was still in the shower room at that time, so the kid is safe from slapping. Or spanking.

"Niou? What is this?" Yagyuu interrupted them, wanting to end the argument immediately. The gentleman wants to keep the team together; however, he will not be successful, I'm telling you.

"Niou-sempai said that Squidward is an octopus, but I know better than him that Squidward is a squid!" Akaya pointed a finger at Niou, who was smiling slyly.

"Fighting over the classification of a fictional character, eh? On top of that, a fictional character that stars in a children's show. Niou-kun.." Yagyuu gave his doubles partner a threatening look, but it didn't had an effect on Niou. "What?" he smirked. "I'm just trying to enjoy myself!"

Yagyuu just shook his head and left the two. He has no choice but to give this up.

"So, you agree now, Niou-sempai?" Akaya proudly smiled at the former.

"No.." The trickster leered at the devil brat whose smile vanished upon hearing his reply.

"He's a squid! Look at his name! Squidward!"

"What the hell! That doesn't count! So that means if my name is 'Elephantsuharu Niou', then I'm an elephant!? Hahaha, that doesn't make sense to me--" Niou suddenly paused (dramatically), eyeing a certain genius, ".. except for Marui," he continued, "Well, he's literally a round... ball of fat!! HAHAHAHA!!"

"Hey, I heard that, fox face! Stop all the crap!" Marui, who was on the other corner of the room, yelled. He was busy.. "increasing his glucose level", as he would put it. Actually, it was a lame excuse for him to eat his precious strawberry cake roll, for the third time this day.

"I win! Niou-sempai agreed!" Akaya was happily bouncing.

"Hahaha, no.. brat. No," the trickster shook his head. Akaya failed again.

"Niou-sempai! Squidward is a squid! Look at his nose! It's big!"

"Ack! What do big noses have to do with it, in the first place? Real squids don't have big noses!"

"Octopus doesn't have one, too! Plus, squidward has tentacles!" the Rikkaidai ace was still determined to win this debate. He has to defend his favorite cartoon character!

Niou sweatdropped. "Do you think octopuses don't have tentacles!!?"

Amidst the argument that was getting louder and louder every minutes, Yukimura entered the room, wondering what his two teammates had been fighting about. He went to ask Renji, who was intently listening to the two, probably for the sole purpose of gaining more information.

"Renji, what are Niou and Akaya arguing about?" he pleasantly asked.

"Squidward Tentacles, one of the main characters of the show 'Spongebob squarepants'," Renji replied curtly.

"Aa," Yukimura just smiled, amused by watching the two continue their pointless quarrel.

Not long after, Sanada was out of the shower room and saw Niou and Akaya, too. "What are they bickering about!?" his voice was tinted with irritation.

"Tentacles," Yukimura replied, eyes still on the two fighting regulars.

"Tentacles!?" Sanada thought what he heard was wrong.

"Yes," their captain responded.

No, his ears were right after all. Sanada was starting to boil as he was clenching his fists in rage.

Yukimura, on the other hand, silently counted before the volcano erupts, "Three.. two.."

"NIOU!! KIRIHARA!!! 1,000,000,000 LAPS AROUND THE COURT, NOW!! TARUNDORU!!"

And with that command from the emperor, all hell broke loose.

Meanwhile, Renji scribbled some useful data in his notes before putting it away on his bag.

_"Trivial data for today:_

_1. Genichirou is the only one who doesn't watch Spongebob squarepants here._

_2. Genichirou's mind has been constantly inflicted by perversion. Today's happening will count as the 735th proof._

_3. We need anti-depressants._

_---_

**A/N: **There you have it! If you didn't get what was in Sanada's mind when Yukimura said "Tentacles", search for "tentacle erotica" on wiki. If you get it, there's no need to scream about it. It was intended to be a joke and I don't read/like/watch those things either, because... I'm a minor, for God's sake! Gee, it surprised me when I searched for tentacles on the net. Now, my innocent mind is scarred like Akaya's. XDD LOL.

According to wiki, Squidward was referred to as Squid or octopus in the show. He might be a new breed of whale of something, though. Whatever. XDD

There's one single fact I know: Squidward is a mollusk.

**Thank you for reading.**


End file.
